Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
