ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
These tits shall not be calmed
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
