Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize