i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
