i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
