Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
