yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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