my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
