Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
