I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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