I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
