I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
my liver is dry heaving
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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