For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
