that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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