You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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