so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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