watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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