No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
