well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
