now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
