C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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