I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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