so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He is an equal opportunity slut.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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