You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize