no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
