he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Found the puke drawer
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
And then he peed in my hair
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize