He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
