we're chasing vodka with high fives
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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