i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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