I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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