At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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