i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
