we're chasing vodka with high fives
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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