I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
