she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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