is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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