I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I've blown a few things in my day
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
