Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
