every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So much Jack, so little girl.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
