I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
