My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
