So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
