Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
