yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
