while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
