Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
