and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
