oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
