i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My breasts were aching with rage.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
