yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
