I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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