sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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