Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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