There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
