I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
zippers are such a cool invention
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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