I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
