Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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