so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
