i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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