He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
my liver is dry heaving
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
