i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well I just put wine in my tea
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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