she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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