First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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