Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
