Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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