you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
