Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
