Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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