A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
