would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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