dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
