I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize