I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
