seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
