Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
