I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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