We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
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That's how twitter works, right?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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