I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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