There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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